Relationship Struggles - Who Helps?

Managing relationships is one hard thing in life. When sin entered the world, one important turn of events that happened was the marring of relationship between fellow human beings. Getting along well with one another became a strain beginning from Adam & Eve onwards. Cain did not want to be Abel’s keeper. He killed him. Even today, the worst struggle happens with in families. We tend to be good with strangers. But serious struggles happen among the closest members in families, with whom we live for longer times. What to do in a difficult relationship? Can we throw away someone who hurts? If not, who helps and how?

Abigail was an intelligent and beautiful woman married to a surly and mean man called Nabal. The story of Abigail is recorded in 1 Samuel chapter 25 in the Bible. Her husband, Nabal's name literally meant "folly" (v.25). Living with a husband who was surly, mean and foolish would have been very difficult for an intelligent wife like Abigail. Women had no choices in ancient marriages, like how it happens even now in some parts of the world. King David was living as a fugitive at that time with his handful of men in the wilderness. These men of David helped Nabal, by protecting the 3000 sheep and the shepherds he owned from the attack of robbers and wild animals. A sheep shearing event happened in the Nabal household. Such events were festivals in the Jewish culture. David, according to the culture of that time, sent his men to collect gifts for their service. But Nabal insulted David and his messengers and refused to help them. This triggered David and his men to set out on a backlash on Nabal and his household (wars were frequent in Old Testament times).

What did Abigail do on knowing that? Let’s see her intelligence in handling the crisis situation:

1. Abigail had the right understanding that wars in those days were "wars between worshipers of Yahweh-God and the Yahweh-less" or simply "wars between gods." (v.28)

2. With so many lives in her household at jeopardy, Abigail did not choose to go and consult matters with her surly husband, who was also drunk at that time.

3. She had the discernment to understand David, a fugitive then as the future king of Israel.

4. She did not set out with an anti- squad comprising of her men to fight against David.

5. Rather she set out of her house with lots of good food stuff for David and his men.

6. Since she did not have her husband’s support, she took her young men who were in their house, as a support group along with her.

7. Upon meeting David, the first thing she did was to take the blame of her husband upon her (v. 24, 28).

8. While Nabal addressed David as a ‘servant who broke away from his master’, (v. 10, 11), Abigail addressed David as ‘master’ and future ‘leader and prince’ of Israel. She foresaw the covenant of the Lord with David (2 Samuel 7:16), which she states in her address. Also note words of prophecy and wisdom in her speech: “… the LORD will certainly make my lord a sure house, because my lord is fighting the battles of the LORD; and evil shall not be found in you so long as you live. If anyone should rise up to pursue you and to seek your life, the life of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of the living under the care of the LORD your God; but the lives of your enemies he shall sling out as from the hollow of a sling. When the LORD has done to my lord according to all the good that he has spoken concerning you…then remember your servant." (v. 28-31) David heeded to her petition and sent Abigail with peace back home.

9. Please note that, Abigail handled the entire episode quickly, loosing no time (v. 18, 23, and 34).

10. After returning home, on seeing her husband drunk, she waited for a day and a night for him to get over his drunkenness. When Nabal turned sober in the morning, she informed him all that happened. On hearing that Nabal's heart died within him. About ten days later, the LORD struck him and he died (v. 36-38).

Who threw away the mean and surly Nabal from the troubling scene? It was neither David nor Abigail. David referred the death of Nabal as the judgement of the LORD. He then took the widowed-Abigail as his wife (v.39). I think more than beauty, David liked the wisdom in her (v. 33). The Bible says in Proverbs 24:10 that our strength is small if we falter in times of trouble. What gave Abigail the strength in her time of crisis? The fear of the LORD was in Abigail. This gave her all the wisdom she needed (Proverbs 9:10). She spoke with wisdom and faithful instruction was on her tongue (Proverbs 31:26). Abigail had the discernment of a prophet. True to her prophetic words, God took away the trouble maker not only from David’s life, but from her life too.

Annoying relationships are difficult to handle. God does not want anyone to live in such a relationship for ever in this world. Galatians 3:13 says: “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us.” He died on the cross and gained victory over curses through his resurrection. He has given HIS believers deliverance from relationship strains. Led by this great God, make wise moves: like what to talk and talk not, when to talk and talk not, what to do and do not. We can then find God performing miracles in difficult relationship struggles through natural and super-natural ways!

Children’s Special

November 14 is celebrated as “Children’s Day” in India as a mark of honour to our former Prime Minister Pandit Jawarharlal Nehru who loved children. My meditation for this day in my one year chronological Bible happened to be Galatians 3 and 4, which excited me because it had lots of “children” stuff in it. It said we are God’s children by faith. It talked about Paul considering the Galatians as his spiritual children. It also talked about Abraham’s two children, children of the slave woman and children of the free woman. The former represents mere human effort in becoming children of God. The latter represents God’s involvement in our human efforts to become children of God. My memories then went back to my childhood days.

My brother and I were raised by our parents in a “pietistic” background. We never ever saw a cinema in our childhood days. Sundays were not mere Holidays but “Holy Days” too. Church, memorizing scripture , sumptuous lunch, resting together, singing songs from the “Golden Bells”- were some typical Sunday events. At a very young age, I was leading my own “Girls Fellowship” in the Sunday evenings. My brother had his own “Boys Fellowship.” These were children Christian gatherings which was conducted in alternate houses every Sunday. Children from other faith joined us some times. That is a typical reminiscence of my childhood Sunday.

My dad reminds us often from a  story in Jeremiah 35. It is about a family called the “Recabites.” The children of this family had followed for generations simple commands of their forefather, Jonadab (2 Kings 10:15-31). They abstained from drinking wine and from settling in cities.  In Jeremiah 35, God uses the analogy of this family’s obedience and chided the children of Israel who were adamantly disobedient to their father God. The first of the Ten Commandments which comes with a promise is to honour our parents, by obeying them. The promise is that everything will go well with such children and that they will enjoy long life on the earth (Ephesians 6:1-3). It is interesting to see that Jonadab reminds the same promise of “living a long life in the land” to his children (Jeremiah 35:7) as an incentive, when they obeyed his principles.

Children today need to follow the “contextual Christian principles” given by our godly parents. In my opinion if a godly parent says about abstinence from wine, watching films, observing Sunday as a “Holy Day” and commands such as these, a child has to simply honour it by obeying it.  However our human efforts in merely obeying parents, cannot make us a child of God. The overarching principle is to obey the commands of our Heavenly Father. To be a child of God one needs to be part of His family. One must be re-born into His family (John 3:3). How can one be reborn in the family of God? The Bible says, “Yet to all who received him (Jesus), to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, children born not of natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God.” (John 1:12-13) I am a child of God because I chose to receive Jesus. I obey my parents because the Word of God expects me to do so! This is possible because I love my God, His Word and my God-given Parents! Let us enjoy the status of being a "child" both to our parents and to our God.