Best Wine Saved for the Last in a Marriage - Life of the Luthers

A Quick Tongue Vs A Quick Temper

Martin Luther was the one who sparked the Protestant reformation by nailing his ninety-five theses to the church door in Wittenberg, Germany.  But how many of you know about his wife, Katie, the runaway nun? She had a quick tongue and Martin had a quick temper, a combination that does not usually make for a good marriage. One biographer calls Katie a “quick-witted Saxon with a ready tongue,” which made an interesting match for Luther, an intense debater with a short fuse. No doubt, they both had an unusual marriage. Let us glean some secrets for a happy marriage from theirs. For a forty-one year old former monk and the twenty-six year old former nun, there were lots to get used to.

Runaway Monk Vs Runaway Nun

Katie grew up in a nunnery when she was only nine or ten years old. At the time of reformation led by Martin Luther, when monks and nuns were leaving their monastic houses, nine nuns were delivered at his door steps. It became Martin’s job, to either find position or husbands for them. The nuns were not trained in housekeeping. All they could do was to sing and pray. Somehow Martin fixed lives for the eight and the one left was Katie. It was not as if no one wanted her. Her personality and quick wit attracted the attention of at least some men. But none were successful. Meanwhile Martin’s parents who were happy to know that his son came out of the catholic celibacy vows, put pressure on him to marry. And Martin himself had been preaching for many years by then, that marriage was a divinely established institution and to elevate celibacy above marriage was unbiblical. With all that, Martin decided to marry Katie.

Katie's Prominence

There is nothing romantic about their early days of marriage. There were lot of issues specially with regard to managing the finances. Martin was liberal and hospitable, whereas Katie was frugal and wanted to make money out of any service she provided. She saved money and bought assets and properties. Katie was many things for Martin – a gardener, a cook, a nurse, a cattle-raiser, a bookkeeper and a brewer. According to one historian, “Katie ruled both her household and her husband, a situation which the latter accepted resignedly, since he was totally incapable of organizing the affairs of even the smallest household. She brought order into his life and not always to his satisfaction.” Martin would probably change that assessment by saying, “She managed the areas that I delegated to her.”

Life was Hectic

Katie after a day with their six children, servants and animals wanted to talk with an equal. While Martin, after preaching four times, lecturing and conversing with students at meals, wanted to drop into a chair and sink into a book. This tested their patience and they had to learn to be patient with one other. Martin had a shopping list of ailments including gout, insomnia, hemorrhoids, gall and kidney stones, dizziness and ringing in the ears. Katie patiently nursed him back to health with proper diet, herbs, poultices and massages. Kathie also had to be a remarkable woman to manage the ever-expanding Luther household. The first floor in their house had forty rooms with cells above for sleeping. Besides their six children, there were a half a dozen of Martin’s nephews and nieces. Luther also brought the four children of his friend who lost his wife.  To cope with the growing household, Katie in turn brought in some of her relatives to help her out. Besides there were tutors and student boarders, and due to Luther’s fame, guests dropped in unexpectedly from England and elsewhere. So life was not easy for the couple.

Best Wine Saved for the Last

Katie called him “Doctor’ in public conversation. Martin called her anything that came to his mind. Sometimes thinking of Eve, he called her, “my rib.” More often thinking the way she managed the household affairs, he called her, “my lord.” Katie had a flair to acquire lands like an empress. So Martin addressed her as a “rich lady.” He even wrote, “Oh, Katie, you have a husband who loves you. Let someone else be an empress.” Martin’s appreciation of marriage deepened during his twenty years of living with Katie. Comparing marriage to the miracle at Cana in John 2, he says that the best wine is saved for last. Marriage is a school for character, and both he and Katie learnt much in that school. They learnt from each other, and from their children, and from their mutual experiences. They were an arguing couple. But still they managed to enjoy a good marriage. “To have peace and love is a gift which is next to the knowledge of the Gospel,” Martin once said.

Luther's Wisdom Quotes

Before his marriage, Luther sometimes spoke of matrimony as a necessity for the flesh. Afterwards he emphasised that it was an opportunity for the spirit. He decried the fact that many men were marrying only for physical reasons, abusing their wives, and knew nothing about love. “Marriage is no joke,” he said, “it must be worked on, and prayed over…To get a wife is easy enough, but to love her with consistency is difficult…for the mere union of the flesh is not sufficient, there must be a congeniality of tastes and character. And that congeniality does not come over night. Love begins when we wish to serve each other. A husband is supposed to love his wife, who is his nearest neighbour. She should be his deepest love and dearest friend.” All of these words are evident, when he called the book of Galatians as his Katharina Van Bora (Katie’s full name). Most of us know that it was the reading and understanding of the book of Galatians which led to his spiritual rebirth and eventually the Protestant Church. Martin often loved to quote: "Let the wife make her husband glad to come home and let him make her sorry to see him leave.”

Luther left for eternal home before Katie. At his death bed, Luther admonished: “If it be God’s will, accept it.”Katie responded: “My dear doctor, if it is God’s will, I would rather have you with our Lord than here. Don’t worry about us. God will take care of us.” Katie died four years later to her husband. Her last words were: “I will stick to Christ as a burr to a top coat.” 

The success of any marriage, like the Luthers, depends on two people who are not afraid to grow and change.

(I have copied lines from William J. Petersen’s “Martin Luther Had a Wife” for this article.)