A Precious Person in My Life

On my marriage day with "Amma"

I knew this "Amma" from my childhood days. I don’t have memories of those times, when she first came to our house. I think she came when I was five year old. In the years of growing only, I came to know that she was from a very small village near my small town, Mettur where we lived. She came to help us in our household chores. She has told me many times, how in her village she never knew what a bathing soap was. She did not have access to education of any sort. She came to our small town, after marrying a man who was working as a watch-man in the one and only boy’s school in our town. I used to laugh loud whenever she would narrate her first experience of going to a cinema theater in our town. She thought that the hero and heroine were really doing private scenes in front of every one. She never could grasp the fact that it was a pre-recorded act which was displayed on a screen. She screamed and yelled at the people who were watching the film. She walked out of the theater and did not know how to walk back to her house. She had lost her way.

When she came to our house to help us, she had altogether a different problem. She had white patches all over her body. She was a Leucoderma patient. As a young wife, she was ridiculed by her husband. He hated her and started having relationships with other women. She then went from pillar to post, to temples and mosques. When she came to our house, she saw us worshipping another God, whom she  considered as one among the thirty crores of Gods and Godesses in India. She observed our life styles and started to make this simple prayer: “Jesus...if you are a true God, please heal me from this disease. I want my husband to love me…” My mom had told me later, how every day this amma would come and show her the size of the white patches getting smaller and smaller. In a few days her whole body regained her original beauty. Joyfully she joined the same church where, we were worshipping and later she also got baptized. From then on she had a steady growth in her spiritual life. Praise God, this ignorant woman found her way to heaven.

This one thing, which I am going to share with you, stays in my mind as fresh as ever. I was a bigger girl then. My parents had gone away from house for a short visit outside of town and had left me and my brother in her care. She stayed with us for the night. That night I could see her private prayer life. In the midnight, I could hear her naming some nations of the world like Greenland, Iceland and so on. I was thunderstruck. She was praying with tears for those countries. I could not wait for the morning to come. With great excitement, I asked her, “Amma, how do you know the names of these countries, which I am learning in my Geography classes at school?" I was struck back with awe, because she could not reproduce those names in the morning. It did not take me too long to realize that the Holy Spirit had put the burden in this simple, illiterate woman to pray for the nations of the world. Years later, after my marriage, I watched a video named, “Transformation” which was hghlighting how gospel penetrated to the difficult cold countires in the Arctic area. I got goose bumps all over my body and thanked the Lord for this simple woman and her prayer life.

Whenever I teach on the subject of “Missions” and being a “World Christian,” I never forget to tell about  this amma who impacted me in my childhood years.  I have told about her in India and the countries, wherever I have visited so far. Her name is Rukmani. We never called her by her name. For us she was our “Amma.” Isn't true that God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong? (1 Corinthians 1:27)

An Uncommon Union between the Edwards

In days when marriages tend to be cold and formal, here is a brief note of a marriage that was warm and friendly.  Jonathan Edwards besides being a revivalist and a theologian, was also one of the greatest philosophers, America has ever produced. “A sweeter couple I have not yet seen”.  That was what evangelist George Whitefield of England wrote regarding Jonathan and his wife, Sarah Edwards. He was so impressed with the Edwards’ household that he resolved to get married after returning from their house. Writer Samuel Hopkins had an admiration for the “perfect harmony and mutual love and esteem that subsisted between the couple." One visitor to their home, Joseph Emerson commented: “The most agreeable family I was ever acquainted with. Much of the presence of God is here.”

But can you believe that Elisabeth D. Dodds called her book on Sarah Edwards as, “Marriage to a Difficult Man”. Lost in his own world, impractical and moody, Jonathan Edwards must have been a difficult person to live with. It takes two to make a good marriage. Sarah was seven years younger than Jonathan and totally unlike him.  He was moody. She was vibrant. He was shy. She was outgoing. He was socially inept. She was a natural conversationalist. He was gawky. She was graceful.  Both Jonathan and Sarah spent time making it work.  They learnt to live with each other. Jonathan enjoyed Sarah’s companionship.  So, about four o’clock in the afternoon, they often went horse-back riding together. At such times he would discuss ideas with her and hash over parish problems. Late at night, when the children were tucked in bed, Sarah and Jonathan would share a devotional time together.

The couple had eleven children in their 31 years of marriage. Sarah was of the opinion that until a child will obey his parents, he can never be brought to obey God. She knew how to make them regard and obey her cheerfully, without loud, angry words and much less heavy blows. Though Jonathan was a stern and busy preacher, he set aside to spend  an hour daily with his children. He said, “Every family ought to be a little church, consecrated to Christ and wholly influenced and governed by his rules”.

Jonathan had a principle not to accept all invitations to ministry, that came his way. Some he turned down saying, “I have lately been so much gone from my people.” Yet, Sarah had struggles of instability. She didn’t like it when her husband was away from home so much. But, she knew she couldn’t ask him to stay with her. She knew God was using her husband, wherever he went. Most of his life, Jonathan had bouts with headaches, colitis, and moodiness. Sickness, failures were ever present in the lives of this couple. They went through both, times of prosperity and adversity in ministry.

The final office, Jonathan held as President of Princeton University lasted only a few weeks. He was stricken with small pox, and as he lay dying, he talked much about his wife and children: “The uncommon union that has long subsisted between me and Sarah has been of a spiritual nature and therefore will continue forever. My children, you are now likely to be left fatherless, which I hope will be an inducement to seek a Father who will never fail you.” Sarah’s favourite verse came to mean much more to her at this time: “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?...neither death nor life…nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God.” (Romans 8:35-39) Six months later, she became ill with dysentery and she died at the age of forty-eight. Indeed, it was an uncommon union as Jonathan had said at his death bed.

As companions together they took time for each other and made their marriage a success. They enjoyed each other’s companionship and respected each other’s gifts. Biographers tend to praise Sarah for making the marriage successful. They may be right. But, Jonathan too shared his ministry with Sarah and gave her a larger role than many women of that time enjoyed.

A study of 1,400 descendants of the Edwards home says that this uncommon household produced 13 College Presidents, 65 Professors, 100 Lawyers, 30 Judges, 66 Physicians and 80 holders of public office including 3 Senators, 3 Governors, and a Vice President of the United States. I consider this fact file as a fulfillment of a verse from the Bible:  From everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children (Psalm 103:17). May we work on the aspect of ‘uncommon union’ in marriages and pass the bliss of marriage to our children’s children like how the Edwards did.




(I have copied lines from William J. Petersen’s “Martin Luther Had a Wife” for this article.)

John Wesley’s Messy Marriage with Molly

Do you know that John Wesley spoke of his marriage to his wife, Molly as a "cross" that he had taken up? John Wesley, the father of the worldwide Methodist Movement was a remarkable man and God used him mightily. We sing the hymns written by John and his brother Charles. Yet, John’s marriage with Molly was a miserable failure. What were the factors that made it such a miserable marriage? What can we learn from it to avoid in our own marriages? Allegations from biographers accuse both Molly and John as “worst” spouses. But what are you to do with the story that Molly Wesley was seen dragging her husband around the room by his hair? And what about the correspondence that John Wesley continued to maintain, despite his wife’s objections, with his female admirers?

Parents a Reason?
In order to understand John Wesley and his problems in marriage, you have to take a glimpse of the fascinating home in which John grew up. Both Susanna and Samuel, John’s parents were stubborn and Samuel had a quick temper besides. Susannah once wrote about her husband, “It is a misfortune peculiar to our family that he and I seldom think alike.” Susannah herself was also a dominant force that her influence was imprinted especially on John’s. They read and discussed the same books. John himself admitted that in his early years, he put aside all thoughts of marriage through despair of finding any woman her equal. Though John had some good proposals for his marriage, they flopped due to some reason or the other. Finally when he married Molly a widow, he was 47 years old.

Married to Work?
John Wesley preached on the day before and the day after his marriage. He said to Molly that he would not be making any adjustments to married life. It was Molly who had to make adjustments. Molly complained about her husband’s lack of sensitivity to her needs. Molly was starting to feel paranoid. She tried travelling with her husband on the roads. England’s roads were not easy to travel, especially the way, John Wesley travelled them. After a meeting, while John would exult about spiritual blessings, Molly would complain about the hard beds, the itchy blankets that were too small, and the bed bugs. It was no doubt after circumstances like this, that Molly’s hair-pulling story took place. According to one of Methodism’s travelling preachers, he saw Molly trailing John Wesley by the hair of his head. She had in her hands venerable locks which she had plucked up by the roots.

Doubting Partner?
John Wesley naively encouraged Molly to open any letters that came to their home, when he was travelling. This kick started another tantrum because John’s intimate counselling of women through letters did not change after his marriage. Molly started to imagine the worst. In a particular letter to a woman named Sarah, John Wesley had told his problems with Molly. Molly misunderstood the language John had used in the letter. Later in a public meeting, Molly pointed to Sarah and called her a “whore.” She even gave some of Sarah’s letters to John Wesley to the London newspapers to publish. John responded by listing ten major complaints against Molly. He said that he could not pray with his wife because he felt that she was daily watching to do him hurt. Molly also knew that she was not the wife she ought to be for John. However, she wanted the world to know that not all the blame for their unhappy marriage was hers. She also didn’t like to be preached at by her husband. John could persuade most women, but he was unable to budge Molly.

Difficulty with Celebrity Spouse?
On their 20th anniversary, Molly walked out and a year later she came back on her own. Again she travelled with her famous husband in his ministerial tours. Again when he was 73 and she was 67 they separated for the last time. From the beginning till the end, she always felt that people were placing John on a pedestal and her in the gutter. John wrote, “The water is spilt. It cannot be gathered up again.” Two years later, he wrote his last letter to his wife which was a bitter note: “If you were to live a thousand years, you could not undo the mischief you have done.”

I agree to the biographer William Petersen’s conclusion. He says, “John Wesley was married to his work. He felt that it would have been a grievous sin to be unfaithful to that divine marriage. But sometimes a servant of God fails to distinguish between loving God and loving God’s work.” If the Bible in Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage is honorable in all," I want all who believe the Bible, to answer this question: How can I honor my marriage? I also want us to think about possible solutions for a messed up marriage and work on improving our marriages and be a blessing to others too!

(I have copied lines from William J. Petersen’s “Martin Luther Had a Wife” for this article.)

PS: I am a Methodist Pastor. This article is aimed to trigger learning from mistakes, but, not to undermine John Wesley or Methodist Church at large by any means. Thanks for your understanding.