John Wesley’s Messy Marriage with Molly

Do you know that John Wesley spoke of his marriage to his wife, Molly as a "cross" that he had taken up? John Wesley, the father of the worldwide Methodist Movement was a remarkable man and God used him mightily. We sing the hymns written by John and his brother Charles. Yet, John’s marriage with Molly was a miserable failure. What were the factors that made it such a miserable marriage? What can we learn from it to avoid in our own marriages? Allegations from biographers accuse both Molly and John as “worst” spouses. But what are you to do with the story that Molly Wesley was seen dragging her husband around the room by his hair? And what about the correspondence that John Wesley continued to maintain, despite his wife’s objections, with his female admirers?

Parents a Reason?
In order to understand John Wesley and his problems in marriage, you have to take a glimpse of the fascinating home in which John grew up. Both Susanna and Samuel, John’s parents were stubborn and Samuel had a quick temper besides. Susannah once wrote about her husband, “It is a misfortune peculiar to our family that he and I seldom think alike.” Susannah herself was also a dominant force that her influence was imprinted especially on John’s. They read and discussed the same books. John himself admitted that in his early years, he put aside all thoughts of marriage through despair of finding any woman her equal. Though John had some good proposals for his marriage, they flopped due to some reason or the other. Finally when he married Molly a widow, he was 47 years old.

Married to Work?
John Wesley preached on the day before and the day after his marriage. He said to Molly that he would not be making any adjustments to married life. It was Molly who had to make adjustments. Molly complained about her husband’s lack of sensitivity to her needs. Molly was starting to feel paranoid. She tried travelling with her husband on the roads. England’s roads were not easy to travel, especially the way, John Wesley travelled them. After a meeting, while John would exult about spiritual blessings, Molly would complain about the hard beds, the itchy blankets that were too small, and the bed bugs. It was no doubt after circumstances like this, that Molly’s hair-pulling story took place. According to one of Methodism’s travelling preachers, he saw Molly trailing John Wesley by the hair of his head. She had in her hands venerable locks which she had plucked up by the roots.

Doubting Partner?
John Wesley naively encouraged Molly to open any letters that came to their home, when he was travelling. This kick started another tantrum because John’s intimate counselling of women through letters did not change after his marriage. Molly started to imagine the worst. In a particular letter to a woman named Sarah, John Wesley had told his problems with Molly. Molly misunderstood the language John had used in the letter. Later in a public meeting, Molly pointed to Sarah and called her a “whore.” She even gave some of Sarah’s letters to John Wesley to the London newspapers to publish. John responded by listing ten major complaints against Molly. He said that he could not pray with his wife because he felt that she was daily watching to do him hurt. Molly also knew that she was not the wife she ought to be for John. However, she wanted the world to know that not all the blame for their unhappy marriage was hers. She also didn’t like to be preached at by her husband. John could persuade most women, but he was unable to budge Molly.

Difficulty with Celebrity Spouse?
On their 20th anniversary, Molly walked out and a year later she came back on her own. Again she travelled with her famous husband in his ministerial tours. Again when he was 73 and she was 67 they separated for the last time. From the beginning till the end, she always felt that people were placing John on a pedestal and her in the gutter. John wrote, “The water is spilt. It cannot be gathered up again.” Two years later, he wrote his last letter to his wife which was a bitter note: “If you were to live a thousand years, you could not undo the mischief you have done.”

I agree to the biographer William Petersen’s conclusion. He says, “John Wesley was married to his work. He felt that it would have been a grievous sin to be unfaithful to that divine marriage. But sometimes a servant of God fails to distinguish between loving God and loving God’s work.” If the Bible in Hebrews 13:4 says, "Marriage is honorable in all," I want all who believe the Bible, to answer this question: How can I honor my marriage? I also want us to think about possible solutions for a messed up marriage and work on improving our marriages and be a blessing to others too!

(I have copied lines from William J. Petersen’s “Martin Luther Had a Wife” for this article.)

PS: I am a Methodist Pastor. This article is aimed to trigger learning from mistakes, but, not to undermine John Wesley or Methodist Church at large by any means. Thanks for your understanding.